5 Things...

ok so the last post was filled with tragedy & negativity...i've been laying on the couch all day trying to figure out five POSITIVE things that happend last week...it's so hard for me to find the good right now, but that is my new challenge to try again, I hate living feeling so negative & feel so alone when i get in this mood even though my life is always filled with people who love & care about me...so here I go.
1) all my true friends & family came through for me in my desperate time of need. Thank you all for your love, support & devotion to me that you give me everyday without fail...I love you all & couldn't make it through without you!

2) God & Ellen saved our sweet sweet Josh & brought Bandit back to us safely...

3) I had an awesome mail/delivery day on Tues.....my new scrapbooking toy (gypsy) came & two of my scrapbooking magazines in hopes i will find some inspiration to get back into a hobby that i loved...i haven't created anything in close to a year just been an avid collector...lol....

4) so grateful my husband has an amazing job...which is something not many people can say these days, although it is keeping him away from the family much more these days.

5) also grateful that i still have my life...granted it is not one i would wish for or wish on anyone else, there are so many days I just want to give up because the pain is so unreal & i'm sick of living on pills to get through...but am happy I am still here to watch my children grow & become amazing young adults....

finally a new week.....

I patiently counted down the days last week for a brand new week, one that hopefully that won't be filled with pain & loss!!! Just about everyday last week had some sort of pain, & hurtful situations..wondered why god was testing my strength so much this past week...so those of you that have a stronger connection with him, would you please pray for me & let him know I really am not strong enough for anymore right now....please. I will give quick little highlights to each day last week & maybe you will understand...Monday night we had to go to the funeral home for Ellens wake, rooms filled with tears & heartache, Tuesday was her funeral, that last time i would get to hold my best friend & say my final good byes to her, wednesday flat on couch all day not allowing people to come near me...that night tim took me to kenny & ellens to pick up her cockateil that now is in our home..feeling a little comfort of having a part of her here with me. Thursday workmans comp hearing...need not say anymore...excrutiating pain from the long ride & long day there.....Friday in bed all day from the pain....Friday night Josh rolls his car 4 times, thanking god & ellen for keeping our boy safe...car is totaled, but his worst symtom was glass in his eye from the windshield. Saturday....just was really a bad day!!! Sunday night talking to my mom health is going down hill quickly & Bandit ran off into woods....we have alot of coyotes living in our back yard...not fun!!!!! So yes i needed to count down the minutes for a new week to start!!!! Today just feel so worn, emotionally & physically.....sadly back to poppin pills left & right to ease the pain....please god just give me a break!!!

We will miss you Ellen....

Today is such very hard day for me, the pain is more than I feel that I can bare...a little after 5:30 am i heard the scanner go off with the ambulance being toned to one of my best friends houses...my sister....next thing I heard was CPR in progress, with no signs of life...yes Ellen is now in heaven. The pain is so hard to deal with....we have so many great memories & we had planned out the summer of sitting by the pool hiring a pool boy to take care of us....the pain is so deep tho i know she is no longer suffering i will truly miss her so much...there were only a couple people in my life that i could consider a true friend....she was the definition of just that...it will be a day i will never forget... I am so torn I lose one of my best friends & it's my other best friend birthday....so a very Happy Birthday Leon!!!
Rest in peace Ellen...we all love you & know you will be looking down on us....being my angel in the sky instead of by my side now.

Happy New Year...9 days later

Hope everyones new year has started out good....I am praying for a much better year this year, so far it's had it's many ups & downs. Right now I am praying for warmer weather because this cold weather or should I say FREEZING weather really makes me hurt 10 times worse. I set a couple small goals for myself this year...hoping i can work through them all....think more positive, stop smoking, & take a picture a day for the whole year. We'll see how they all go...so far i have failed on the pic a day....
Keep warm.....till next time...

So glad it's over!!!

Miss Munchkin was up early & patiently waiting to find out how many of those presents were her's!!! LOL Santa did a great job here again as always...he got me the newest itouch so i can have something to do on all those endless hours at the hospital. Then a tripod..i've wanted one for years & never have had one so now i finally do, a very large gift card to a local scrapbookin store, & a few other things. The two youngest got there new ipods too....we have to go buy the "skins" so we can tell who's is who's...Krystal badly wanted a video camera so that's what santa brought her, they were all happy. We spent xmas eve at my dads & xmas day at my moms...I'm one hurting girl today, but was great to spend time with my family from all around. Hope everyone enjoyed there xmas holiday. LIVE LAUGH & LOVE!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wanted to say a very Merry Christmas to my family & true friends. I hope you are all going to be blessed to spend time with your loved ones. Tonight we will share xmas eve with my dad, we have a big meal & presents there. Just waiting for the kids to get home right now, Brie is at her daddy's, Krystal is having a xmas dinner with her boyfriends family & Zac just got called out to a fire in Groveton.

Tomorrow morning we will get up & enjoy christmas morning with our children & later go to my moms....two days of no cooking for me. Been having a couple really really really bad weeks & nothing is seeming to help!! But I will sit & be grateful I am still here & able to spend the holidays with my family. While you are all sitting around take a moment to say a prayer for our troops that can't be home with there family's, for the ones who have lost there lives & paid the ultimate sacrifice for us to beable to sit around the dinner table tomorrow & everyday!!!

LIVE LAUGH & LOVE

Our baby

Little miss munchkin may be just a little spoiled....here she is showing off her new winter coat we bought her & she is very happy about it!!! She loves putting her outfits on, i actually have to put her basket up high so she won't get into them, if not she grabs them to bring to me so i get here dressed!!! So cute!!! To think this is daddy's pride & joy....lol

As I am typing this my son is off to his Second structure fire...sadly it's the vets office, so i hope all the critters are safe. He loves this experience & I am so proud of him....love it when the guys call to tell me what a great job he is doing, gives me that proud mommy moment of sayin...I created this wonderful child!!!

Krystal has applied to a culinary college & waiting on hearing if she gets in or not. God I'm not ready for this. Health wise she still isn't good....seems like we are always waiting for answers!!

Of course we can't forget about miss Brie brie....she is still amazing as always, loving JROTC & has presented colors for many events. I'm very proud of her too....definatly have the most amazing kids that make life worth living!!! I know if it wasn't for them I wouldn't deal with the pain I am faced with everyday!!! Love you my babies!!!