So glad it's over!!!

Miss Munchkin was up early & patiently waiting to find out how many of those presents were her's!!! LOL Santa did a great job here again as always...he got me the newest itouch so i can have something to do on all those endless hours at the hospital. Then a tripod..i've wanted one for years & never have had one so now i finally do, a very large gift card to a local scrapbookin store, & a few other things. The two youngest got there new ipods too....we have to go buy the "skins" so we can tell who's is who's...Krystal badly wanted a video camera so that's what santa brought her, they were all happy. We spent xmas eve at my dads & xmas day at my moms...I'm one hurting girl today, but was great to spend time with my family from all around. Hope everyone enjoyed there xmas holiday. LIVE LAUGH & LOVE!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wanted to say a very Merry Christmas to my family & true friends. I hope you are all going to be blessed to spend time with your loved ones. Tonight we will share xmas eve with my dad, we have a big meal & presents there. Just waiting for the kids to get home right now, Brie is at her daddy's, Krystal is having a xmas dinner with her boyfriends family & Zac just got called out to a fire in Groveton.

Tomorrow morning we will get up & enjoy christmas morning with our children & later go to my moms....two days of no cooking for me. Been having a couple really really really bad weeks & nothing is seeming to help!! But I will sit & be grateful I am still here & able to spend the holidays with my family. While you are all sitting around take a moment to say a prayer for our troops that can't be home with there family's, for the ones who have lost there lives & paid the ultimate sacrifice for us to beable to sit around the dinner table tomorrow & everyday!!!

LIVE LAUGH & LOVE

Our baby

Little miss munchkin may be just a little spoiled....here she is showing off her new winter coat we bought her & she is very happy about it!!! She loves putting her outfits on, i actually have to put her basket up high so she won't get into them, if not she grabs them to bring to me so i get here dressed!!! So cute!!! To think this is daddy's pride & joy....lol

As I am typing this my son is off to his Second structure fire...sadly it's the vets office, so i hope all the critters are safe. He loves this experience & I am so proud of him....love it when the guys call to tell me what a great job he is doing, gives me that proud mommy moment of sayin...I created this wonderful child!!!

Krystal has applied to a culinary college & waiting on hearing if she gets in or not. God I'm not ready for this. Health wise she still isn't good....seems like we are always waiting for answers!!

Of course we can't forget about miss Brie brie....she is still amazing as always, loving JROTC & has presented colors for many events. I'm very proud of her too....definatly have the most amazing kids that make life worth living!!! I know if it wasn't for them I wouldn't deal with the pain I am faced with everyday!!! Love you my babies!!!

a quick update...

Just a quick update for our family....it has been a very long week here again, Krystals health has taken a turn for the bad again, we were in the hospital all night into the wee hours of the morning on thurs/friday. She was having alot of chest pain around her heart that had lasted a couple days that was gettin worse & she was having difficulty breathing. After lots of testing & IV's etc, they said her white count & monocytes are very high again & she has pleurisy...she has fluid building up around her lungs & heart. Which is what is making it difficult to breath & feels like someone is stabbin her with every beat of her heart. She is at very high risk for pneumonia & other complications. Tonight she was really having a hard time....so imagian we will be back to hospital again soon. Just thought I would let the family & TRUE FRIENDS that HONESTLY care about our daughter...please say a prayer for her that she will be able to enjoy christmas with her family.

Baby it's cold out there!!

It is so bitterly cold out there today, I don't even think it has made it up to zero out yet!!! I'm truly hoping the rest of winter isn't going to be this cold!! Really hoping Tim will light our beautiful fireplace tonight, seems like it will be a good night to try it out! As cold as it is I imagian my little man Zac will have a fire call, I hope not, but usually the coldest first night of the year keeps the fire departments busy....so sad this time of year though so close to the holidays....
I cannot believe Christmas is next Friday!!! Tim did some of the xmas shopping last saturday...guess he & the kids are doing a little more this coming weekend. Its going to be a very tight & small xmas due to buying a new house this year. Of course I have a decent wish list, but just going to try to enjoy being around the kids & family. Really would hope Santa would be nice & bring us a pellet stove for the basement....that is one thing we are trying to save for!
Keep warm......enjoy every moment you possibly can with your loved ones, too soon they are gone, be sure to tell the ones you love them, so you won't live with the regrets of not saying what you want to say if the unthinkable happens.... LIVE, LAUGH, & LOVE

my little man...

I am so proud of this fine young man I am honered to call my son!!! This pic was taken from a good friend of mine at the fire the other day. This was Zac's first official structure fire & he was very happy & proud!!! Loved the phone calls i got that night tellin me how proud they were of him & how hard he worked!!! I am so happy my friend caught this photo...it for sure will be a forever cherished one!!!! It certainly was a very long day for zac & the other great fireman we have on LFD & other surrounding towns...he got toned out about 2:30ish, he got home first time about 8:30 (during that one fire, they got toned out 2 other times so zac got to take care of 2 fires calls), then fed him some supper, & had him jump in shower....he had just sat down to rest & use his computer & then we hear " Lancaster fire dept...please stand by for tone"....so off he went again, the fire rekindled which is so common with "hot fires" like that...so he was out til about 11:30pm!!! Long day for the guys!! I thought for sure he would sleep sound like a baby...but when we got up he said he hadn't slept much...he was still so excited that he got to help fight a big hot fire!!! Zac man mama is so proud of you & then fine young man you are becoming! Though there will never be a moment I will not worry about you when you are at the fire calls & when you join the pd this summer....but you are my little hero & you make me honored to be your mom!!! I love you

winter wonderland...

Well at least that's what it feels like today anyways...I am not a winter person at all, hate just about every part of it!!! Granted it is beautiful to look out the window to the snow covered trees & that's about it. This time of year I love lookin at houses decorated with beautiful lights...hoping some night to have someone take me for a ride so I can. We got our tree Sunday....didn't look so big in the store, but dang in the house it sure is....lol, decorated with tons of white lights which is my favorite. I don't like colored lights at all!!! It seems to always be a argument here cuz the hubs loves colored lights...
The kids got out of school at noon today due to weather....Josh, Krystal & Brie went out sliding to enjoy the new snow, didn't stay out too long though it was really cold with the strong winds. So mama had hot chocolate with lots of marshmallow waiting for them when they got in!!! Zac was & still is at his first structure fire...he was excited when it got toned out, so when they finally get home will be the true test of how much he really loves being on the fire dept!!! Have to admit I am a nervous wreck...but I know my two great friends that are on the dept are taking good care of him & will return to his mama safely!!! Tim also got released from work early so he's been out snow blowing....the plow truck is still being repaired & he's not happy!!!!
Well last week when i was feeling a little inspired to do some craftin.....it ended with just the thought of it, still haven't amounted to a darn thing...not even makin homemade cards again this year, some will only get a simple Merry Christmas card....I was sure to buy the ones that say MERRY CHRISTMAS....I am not a Happy Holiday politically correct type of person...NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO SAY!!!!!
Ok so the power keeps going on & off....so guess that is a good sign off time!!! Live Laugh & LOVE!!

IS SO EXCITED...

For once I am feelin excited...I know once you read this you'll probably think I'm crazy...but today was a good mail day....staples reward check for $45 & my very own personalized copy of Elizabeth Kartchners new book....52 scrapbooking challenges!!!! I love this girl & her work...simply amazing!!! Also loved Tim Holtz's new tag for today OMG is it gorgous...maybe just maybe if these darn pain pills kick in I might beable to create something small, it has been forever, I had lost my spark & interest...not because i don't have amazing pics of my kids but no desires to do anything!!! Hope you all had something amazing happen for you today :)

Dec 2 already!!!

Well I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving...ours was spent with alot of our family....great food, good laughs, & quality time! Still really tired & trying to recoop tho! The next day Brie & Zac had to march in a parade to kick off the christmas season....all the brave JROTC kids did a great job marchin in the rain, took at least 3 days to dry there uniforms though....sadly I missed it.

The first photo is our miss krystal with her very adorable wonderful boyfriend Joshua...he has been a blessing to her & our whole family, he knows how to brighten the worst days....which i've had way too many of these days!!! Anyways miss krystal is a HUGE christmas fan so she went bought her own tree for her bedroom & they decorated it that night listening to xmas music, room spray that smells like a xmas tree & all...they had a blast!!!

Second photo is.....today was promotion day in JROTC....Brieanna Lyn got promoted to private first class & Zac got promoted to Sgt!!! Way to go kiddos mommy is so proud of you & all your accomplishments!!!

Other than that trying to have a little xmas spirit for my kids....especially not knowing what the future holds! I am hoping tim will get some lights & put them up on the house this weekend...I so love white lights & the peacefullness of them.

till next time....LIVE, LAUGH, & LOVE DEEPLY!!!

Happy Thanksgiving....

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lightened the flame with in us....Loved this quote i just read & wanted to share it with you all!!!!
I am so saddend that my brother cannot be sitting at our thanksgiving table with us this year, he is one sick boy!!! Bronchitis in both lungs, Pneumonia in one lung & the flu on top of it!!! So he cannot be near anyone for a week!!! It saddens me because my brother is my strength to guide me through the hard times, my brother is one of my very best friends, my brother is my sanity when I need it most.....my brother is my everything!!! Those of you not blessed to have a sibling closeness like this just don't know what your missing out on....he & I really should've been twins...So please say a prayer for him that he gets through this & is on his way to a speedy recovery very soon!!!
I've been flattend by a horrible kidney infection & now have added two more meds to my daily regimen....praying it's not from the other meds that my kidneys are messing up on me...that would not be cool at all....so yup my mom & dad are a little over whelmed with both threre babies being down & out!!!
On a positive note (which is still so hard for me to find many positives lately)....I am so looking forward to spending time with the rest of my family & all my in-laws this week!!! Looking forward to Pizza night with my father in law ( he knows what food speaks to my heart) & I know what food speaks to his...Chocolate cream pie for breakfast....lol!!!
For the rest of you, even the ones making my life a living hell right now I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving & that you are blessed to have someone to share it with!

sick of.....

I am so sick of the rain!!! It is such a cold raw rain out there right now....would love to be having an indian summer right about now, maybe that would cheer me up???? I am so sick of feeling like a prisoner in my own house, for a while I felt so safe here, but in the past couple weeks my "safe" feeling has left....I even have had to call the police, I've had someone stalking me & it really really sucks...it increases my stress levels which increases my pain levels...sick to my stomach all the time. It is so sad that when i want to take a shower I don't even feel safe....see it is a horrible scarey feeling because we have found out that there are a few people that Tim arrested have now been let out of jail & would love revenge...so i just can't put into words how horrible this is!!! I never thought i would have to live a life where i have to carry a loaded weapon with me at all times, keep loaded weapons in my house...exactly why i told tim i would never move to the city I didn't want to live like this. My children are frightend to know someone is watching us! It is tearing the family up....I do have to say I have an amazing friend that keeps a close eye on me when Tim has to work.
I see everyone is posting what they are thankful for...so I'm going to try to focus on the positive for a moment....I am thankful for the warmth of in our home, thankful tim has a good job, thankful for the good meds that get me through the day, thankful all our family that will be joined together next week, thankful I have the most amazing children that try so hard to make there mama smile everyday, so thankful of the people they have become, thankful for my TRUE REAL friends, of course can't forget my little four legged kids...
So today I am really going to try to pull myself out of the corner where I can't be watched & amount to something little...I hope but for now really enjoying the smell of my wonderful candles burning & scenting the house nicely....

bad blogger...

So it's been a while since i've updated, not that there is much to update because it's the same ole same everyday just about. I've hit a rut in life I guess, been surrounded by death losing some loved ones, the change in weather is not helping...I ache so badly that it's not even funny & my energy levels are so drained from the pain. Since the move I have not even created one thing, keep telling myself I'm going to get off the couch & try to make something, but never make it to the room. I'm scared most of the time to go into public with this whole swine flu thing. The two youngest drill team season is winding down, they've had the chance to travel to places that we have never taken them which is cool. Zac just got nominated Riffle team commander which is great, I am so proud of him!!!
Krystal has been in & out of hospital again....still no true answers. It's so frustraiting!!!! She is so excited though she leaves Sunday morning for New York City!!! Of course mom is scared to death something will happen while she's there & I'm sending her to the city...ugh!!! But I'm sending her with one of the cameras so she can take tons of photos to show us all the fun!! Maybe some year we will make it to NYC????
Right now I can see that it is snowing up on the mountains off in a far distance....I am so not ready for the yucky white stuff!!!Hope you all have a great weekend.....till next time LIVE, LAUGH, & LOVE... enjoy every moment with your loved one, because in a moment it can be taken away from you!

nine years ago...

Nine years ago today it was the same kind of weather, a sunny beautiful warm day....how do I remember this??? It was the day that I/we stood before our family & close friends & exchanged our vows.....So....Happy Ninth Anniversary to mr Tim!!! We survived the good & the bad so far....hard to believe it has been so long some days & others it feels like forever..lol....
Thank you for putting up with all the good & bad......hopefully someday it will turn into more good times than bad!!!
Also a very Happy Birthday to my mother in law tomorrow, we are thinkin of you!!!!

SNOW......

I so cannot believe these past two days...woke up yesterday to snow covered lawns & roads!!!! Then today spitting snow here in the mountains off & on all day, so disappointing to see snow in the middle of October!!! Needless to say I made chili in the crockpot (love that thing) & that's whats for dinner....well for a few of us. Brie & Zac are going out for pizza with Bries' boyfriend...thought it was really cool this boy suggested Zac go to, of course he & zac are friends too they're all in JROTC together. I am super proud of my son....I had an IEP meeting this morning for him & he is on honor roll only 4 points away in one class to be on HIGH honors that is his goal. He's really cracking down this year, he really wants to go to the police academy this summer, plus have to be passing to stay on Fire Dept. & if he stays on honor roll all year mom has to pay for drivers ed. !!! It is so worth it. Was a very proud moment to see Brie & Zacs pic in the newspaper this week for the drill competition two weeks ago...they are doing so good & finally those two have something in common & are really getting along...certainly a blessing in itself....I prayed this day would come.
Hope your all keeping warm:)
til next time LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE

toasty tuesday...

ok so I couldn't come up with a title, but it is nice & toasty warm in our house...it is so easy to heat seems how it's well insulated, we turn the thermostat to 62 & the house heats up to 74 no problem!! LOVE IT!!!! So much for a sunny beautiful day that the weather guy says we were suppose to have! Today even though it has taken me nearly 3 1/2 hrs to do I made my family some homemade cookies...it has been so long & I know they are missin the homemade goodies I used to make so hopefully this will put a smile on there face when they all get home tonight! Had to do something while waiting for the pool guys to get here & close down the pool for the winter...what a dreadful thought...WINTER.....YUCK!!!!

About the photos.....first one is lil miss Munchkin...she is our little spoiled princess!!! On Tims bday she was patiently waitin for a small piece of her daddys cake....i couldn't resist taken this photo!!! It's a face her mama & daddy love dearly...

The second photo is the JROTC drill/color guard team...I am one proud mama.....our team had 6 competitions on saturday in old town maine...they took home a FIRST place trophey, 4 Second place & one Third place....AWESOME JOB!!!!!! Most all these cadets are new to these teams including our two youngest....They competed against several other teams, they have I believe 5 more competions coming up.

One last little blurb....a very happy birthday to Bryan...our daughters very sweet boyfriend!!!

happy october...

I am so happy that September is over only for the simple fact of so many birthdays in the month!!! The photo is one of the many of Krystals senior pics...this happens to be one of my favorites!! She really enjoyed being head chef last night & did a great job. Zac & Brie are off to old town Maine for there first jrotc drill/color guard meet....Good luck to them & the rest of the team. So don't know what to do with ourselves now when no kids are home, Krystal has a sweet boyfriend & when he's not in class at night & they don't work they try to spend some time together, still under parents supervision of course. I really hate that I have to let my kids grow up & start to let go...this is so hard for me I cry everytime. Maybe someday it will get easier....if anyone has any suggestions on how letting go can be any easier I'd appreciate the suggestions..lol. Hope you all have a great weekend....

Can u believe???

Can you believe September is almost over?? I certainly can't, parts of me are very happy that it is though, it's such a crazy month with school starting, scheduals, & all those dang birthdays!!!! Speaking of birthdays....a very happy birthday to Tim....I've had great joy of picking on him this morning with the over the hill stuff, he's a whoppin 45 today!!! Tomorrow is miss Bries...then the birthdays are DONE!!!! YAH WaHOO!!!!!!
Not a whole lot going on to really report...Krystal finally got permission to ride with a boy this past Sat. I swear I have dreaded this day since I became a mom. My stomach was in knots until she arrived safely back home. I don't think that will ever change though. Zac's been scoping out his hunting spot & started making a "blind" & patiently counting down days till hunting season. Miss Brie...she's still just being Brie, totally boy crazy but at least focuses on her school work still thank goodness. Also very proud of Krystal, she's head chef for a big function thursday night...so exciting!!! Oh & the most shockin of all my boy is on high honor roll so far he has 100 in every class but 1....never thought I see that day....he really wants his license & the deal is he makes honor roll all year, we pay for drivers ed....I have faith in him & do believe he can do it!!! That's about it for happenings here...just enjoying the fall beauty that surrounds me.

They survived.....

What a very long but fun birthday for my little girl....they started at noon on Sat & went straight through to 3pm Sunday!!! Once they got home from the homecoming dance, 3 out of 5 decided they were jumping in the pool....it was 34 degrees out & the pool water was only 50 something BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR but we figured what the heck you only live once...so a quick one, two, three & they were in the pool! They jumped right back out as quick as they went in lol....then it was campfire, smores, talk all night....innocent & fun! I'm happy she had such a good time, mommy is still tearing up over the fact she is 18 & we are thinkin about what college to send her too..ugh!!

All ready for homecoming...my beauties

The girls were so excited to get ready all together for the dance...brie trying to fit right in with her big sister. I'm thinking they will be a wee bit cold tonight, we were when we went out to take photos. They plan on coming home getting into warm jammies, having a campfire making smores, playing flashlight tag, telling scary stories, etc; I'm thinkin they won't get much sleep..oh yes they are still planning on sleeping in the tent....BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! But to think this will be her last big hooorah with friends so why not let them have fun & enjoy that last bit of being a child. Of course I'm sure there colds will be a wee bit worse, but I think it will be worth it, today was filled with fun innocence today. Heck for the most part you wouldn't know we had 6 teenage girls in our house, they watched a movie, had a cookout, danced on the deck, rolled down the big hill (being silly), set up the tents, played eat the gross baby food or get pied in the face toooooo funny!!! Nothing major but they had alot of fun & I love watching her laugh & just be herself forgetting about hospitals, drs, work, school, etc just living & loving life in that moment.....let you know how the night goes!

HAPPY 18th Birthday Krystal

I so cannot believe my little girl is 18 today....she's been having a blast just being silly with her friends..getting ready to head to homecoming with her friends.

Finally settling in.....

We are so much closer to finally settling into our new home....finally a place to call HOME! We had to throw so much of our stuff away from the other house due to mold & mildew damage, it was so devastating in so many ways, but have come to peace with most of it thinking...A FRESH new start! I sit & wonder sometimes how many times do we start living life all over again before we can finally just settle & enjoy the time we do have on this earth? But this starting all over this time is a good thing (I think)...a house with plenty of room for the whole family & friends to gather, a place where we aren't on top of each other all the time, walls thick enough so you really can't hear much of what's being said in the next room, no leakin roof (lol), beautiful views, love the landscaping, so many positive things.....in time & with alot of money we will beable to replace what was lost except the sentimental things that can never be replaced. In time I will have a space set up so perhaps I can create a little each day as my body allows. My body really isn't adjusting to this change of weather at all, chronic pain, but I tell myself I will be ok, at least I am still alive to watch my babies.....
Tomorrow one of those babies turns 18!!!! Krystal is not looking forward to it, she wants to stay a child & enjoy life (minus all the sickness). She is having a few girls over to hang out, camp out & play flashlight tag, make smores, sit by the campfire...all innocent fun....shes amazing doesn't expect or want much. Sadly it's only going to be in the 50s so there won't be any swimming....
Brie is in Louden for the day, she was one of four selected to hang out with Ryan Newman for the day & meet all the other drivers, watch them qualify. Its part of NASCAR educational outreach program. Great opportunity for her...I was jealous
Zac man is just totally excited that we are getting closer to hunting season, planning on getting a big one this year...

So quiet....

It is so quiet, but peaceful during the days here with the kiddos all back in school. All I occasionally hear is the sounds of the little feet of the puppies on the wooden floors...it is too funny to watch them play & slide across the floor. My days around here have been sitting on the back deck enjoying the weather or sitting near the pool just relaxing although yesterday we had two things attempting to take a swim but were unsuccessful....two mice!!! Yuck but still better than a snake! LOL Loving the new high speed wireless internet I can go anywhere with the laptop & check out things if I want.....although I'm not a huge computer person so that don't happen alot. Love the view of the mountains, love the wildlife in our back yard, with almost 6 acres of land you can imagian our son is very happy to go exploring. We have a bunny that visits every morning.....which the pups aren't too crazy about. I love the privacy & the country setting we live in.....soon hopefully I'll be saying I love my new scrap room, tim has to put up shelving & finish arranging things....while my dad, son, brother & tim were moving all the stuff they all agreed I have way too much scrap/stamp stuff & I could open my own store....LOL....so will be selling alot of it when we can go through everything to see what I really don't need anymore plus I see there is alot of new fun stuff coming out that I just have to have so will have to sell my stuff off to make room & afford the new goodies.
Our sweet daughter Krystal is turning 18 this Saturday.....can't believe how fast that went....talking about colleges already because we have to start with the finances of it. She has already been voted head chef for two functions coming up, her teacher wants her to do national championships cook offs...going to new york city in a few weeks, france in the spring....so many wonderful experiences for her coming up.
Loving this weather....I so love fall, it's my favorite time of year, the beauty of it is wonderful. The smell of candles burning, the crisp air.....love it!!!!

So much to catch up on.....

First off I need to say Happy Birthday to my very wonderful mom!!! We all love you so much & don't know what I would do without all your love & support in the good & bad times...your the best...love you!!
Finally back in the real world, boy have we felt like we've been living in the dark ages with no computer, no phone, etc; but it was for a very very good reason....Tim just bought a new house so we've moved & are loving most of it....I'm not a good person for changes (g00d 0r bad) so in time it will be all good!!! My absolute favorite part in the landscaping & the large inground pool!!! Zac man & brie took a dip a few times already even though the water is about 65 - 70 brrrrrrr too cold for this chick!!!! During our move one of our pups ran away the same day from it's suppose to be new owner she was gone for a week, we spent so much time in between the guys moving everything looking for her. We found her monday night & needless to say she isn't going anywhere ever again!!!!! We took a break from moving one night for a stress reliever & took the kids to the motor cross stunt thing at the fair, which was neat, luckily not a long show as the seating was really uncomfortable.......thank god for the pain patches....whoever evented those should be highly praised, no doesn't take away all the pain but makes it tolerable for me to get out with my kids for a little bit with taken the prescribed amount of pills. I still pray each & every night I will be like my old self once again some day....my dr's say it's a very very slim chance but I have to hold onto hope.
Zac joined the fire dept & had his first meeting the other night & loves it!!!He has become such a fine young man, we are so proud of him!!!
That's about it for now....hope all is well to my extended family.... hope to see you soon!!

HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally summer has hit us & I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Course would be almost perfect if I was laying on the beach or lake (like my kiddo's & brother)....yup the babies are away with there uncle for a few days they all left Sunday morning & will be home late tomorrow night. Sooooo what is it I do while everyone is gone.....ALOT of R&R, watchin pointless tv & a few good movies, sip on Crush strawberry & grape soda, go out to eat with Tim, do a little laundry, text, finally download tons of photos from my CF card onto my laptop & go through them (whew had over 2000 pics sittin on there). Enjoy the AC with my pups, keep looking at Krystals senior picture thinking how beautiful she is & how I cannot believe she is going to be 18 in a few weeks & a senior in HS....think about all the things I wish I would of done before this day with her...just goes to show how precious time is & how quickly it goes. Though I can no longer be the person I once was out running around playing with my kids, going bowling, riding go-carts, water slides, etc all the things I loved doing before I still cherish the moments I can watch them enjoying all the things I took for granted that I would always beable to do with them. Sometimes I smile just watching them grow & having fun, many times I cry or get angry with the fact I can't do things....it's a fight everyday not to slip into a deep depression, but I am thankful I am still alive & I can still watch my children grow & become wonderful young adults.
Enjoy this FANTABULOUS weather.....I know I am.....beautiful glowing sun filled with sunny memories that have been made.....LIVE LAUGH & LOVE

gettin better....

We finally had a few nice days of summer....of course not one day gone by without hearing "chance of showers" in the weather forcast. Owell. Finally we have a couple cukes growning, tomato plants look good but not much happening. Tonight Krystal has her senior photo shoot...god I can't believe our little girl is going to be a senior this year so sad!! I am excited that I got the photographer that I really wanted at Defining light studio, Jamie is an amazing photographer. The kiddo's & I went to pick blueberrys' for about 15 min the other nite, pickin out recipes to make throughout the weekend (mainly them cooking & I will supervise) Zac wants blueberry pie & then a request for muffins & coffee cake...so we'll see. Last weekend was nice & relaxing went out to eat with my dad friday night, Sat night hung out with mom & allen....Sunday hung out with hubby....thank you all for keeping my spirits up as much as they can be....getting a little closer to making a huge annocement..just gotta make sure the timing is right & don't jinx us by announcing to early....enjoy your weekend....I believe the "boys" will be golfing...seems to be a weekly thing for Tim & Zac man...great bonding time & the stories are great when they get home. The girls & I will probably sit next to the fire (he bought me a fire pit I've been wanting) telling stories....

a HUGE THANKS

It's been a very tough & horrible past week for me so I wanted to give a huge thank you out to the very special peeps in my life that helped me get through & brightend each day.....tim, krystal, zac, brie, uncle rolly, aunt cindy, leon, Rich, Gram & alot of thanks & appreciation to my dad who did tons of running & helpin out big time. Also a big shout out to my extended family for thoughts & prayers....love you all don't know what I'd do without any of you.
I am so loving this weather though, Krystal & I spent some special time alone this morning laying in the sun going into fantasy land of thinkin we were at the beach, hot guys serving us drinks...etc yeah we were having fun with our wild thoughts a few laughs & giggles. Hope you all been able to enjoy some sunshine.....hoping maybe after Krystal gets home from work we can go celebrate summer (finally) with an ice cream!

finally finished

I FINALLY completed one layout...it took almost 2 weeks to do it but I did it. Miss Brie has loved the camera since she was born & the minute she sees one she instantly strikes a pose, but I really liked this one it was the more "natural" her. Plus was trying to cheer her up because she was mad that daddy or uncle wouldn't take her rafting that day....so the two sure fire ways to instantly cheer her up is bring out the camera or hand her something creative to do. I haven't quite figured out how to load the image real clear on this darn thing & I didn't want to wait for the hubs to get home tonight....so I just did it the way I know how. LOL.....I keep telling myself someday I will get a little smarter with these darn computers.

Speaking of new gadgets....Tim bought me the polaroid pogo!! It's so small & so darn cute but will come in handy for instant pics for the kids to have....We can even send a signal from our cell phone cameras to print off the image to.

Other than that not a whole lot going on around here, we did take a small walk on the tared path at the basin on sunday with Brie. I sure do miss hiking & doing the fun summer things with my kids, no more baseball, bowling, frisbie, etc down right sucks....but I get some enjoyment of watching them still being kids & snappin lots of pics.....still in shock that in less than two months my little girl is going to be 18!!!!!

time flies...

It is so hard to believe it's half way through the month of July & we still don't have summer yet??? I hope it gets here sooooooon! The rainy days have made great days just to stay curled up in bed watchin useless tv & that's about it. I am sooooo happy Tim & the kids didn't bother with the pool this year, we wouldn't of been able to use it with all this cold weather & the rain would of washed all the chemicals out, would of been a losing battle they would of dealt with. Right this moment it's very quiet at the house, Tim, Rich & Zac are out golfing again, mom & Brie are out for a walk, & krystal is workin a couple of hours. I seem so lost I can't even tell you the last time I was ever completly alone. Everyone seems to be taking advantage of the moments of sunshine we're having. The dr's want me to try going on short walks, but mom walks 3 to 4 miles almost daily, that's way to far for me especially now that I am so far out of shape.
Lil miss Krystal has been lucky for the past 3 days her boss bought her a scratch ticket & she won $50, then her & Rich went to town today & she won $100 on a ticket! maybe I should have her pick my powerball numbers for me. LOL Not much else to report....have a great night, think I'm going to lay back down & flip through a new magazine.

What were you doing?????

What were you doing today (7/8/09) @ 10:11???? Well I took out a pan of brownies for brownie sundaes for dessert tonight...darn rain has me so bummed might as well indulge in something yummy & bad!!!, Miss Brie is playing Wii Fit, Miss Krystal had fallen back asleep on couch due to bad migraine again (daily), Zac man in school & Tim somewhere in VT fixin someones computer issues, lol. Ok as if the rain isn't depressing enough, but to have it be so cold....where is summer???? Guess Krystal & Asia need to get together again & do there fabulous dance to make the sun come out, but now Asia is in SUNNY Califorina visiting her dad for the rest of summer. Maybe she'll send some sun & heat this way???PLEASE!!!!

Great memories.....

Well the fourth was a very very very wet day...changed clothes a few times, the rain was unreal, no sprinkle to warn you it just down poured really hard & quickly!!! We had about 35 friends & family over for Tim's annual fourth party....a few great memories that come to mind right now are Krystal & Asia doing the "make it stop raining dance" & it worked the sun poked through...lol, Aunt Cindy riding the scotter successfully this time, the babies & big kids enjoying the snap thingys, the fireworks rain shower, tim & zac holding up the tent over the grills, etc' so great to see all the family & friends together enjoying just being together in miserable weather. Luckily the rain did stop in time for Tim to present his amazing fireworks show again this year.....Great job hubby aka "tiny tim" lol

Sunday morning my father in law & his wife Trish took us to Polly's pancake house in sugar hill...yummo we had never been & always have wanted to...it was FANTABULOUS! As you can see the big kids (dad & trish) waited for there time on the horse...too funny!!!! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend....I know we did....

Happy fourth....

I hope you all have a very safe & wonderful fourth of July! Hopefully we will see the sun, it keeps trying to make it's apperance...I am so sick of RAIN!!!! Luckily the "boys" got there golf game in only got rained on for a few minutes, so not bad at all...each were a little soar last night & this morning. Also doing a little praying for my brother, he's playing the million dollar bingo today at foxwoods....i hope he can win this family needs a break in all the bad really soon! Hopefully soon Tim & I will have a HUGE annocement to make....for now it's on the QT & keepin everyone in suspense don't want to jinx this :) HAPPY FOURTH Y'ALL

make it stop.......

I don't know about anybody else but I am sooooooooo sick & tired of all this darn rain....enough already!!! Really need it not to rain tomorrow...the "boys" are all planning there annual golf trip, Zac is so psyched he gets to play this year! Love seeing him getting involved this year with many things, in fact mommy has to really let go & finish signing the football forms....yup that's right he wants to play tackle football for the northern NH team! YIKES!!! His finger is just healing from the last break from JROTC football....so now that means not only does he want to be a cop like dad but play football too...I'm hoping there are no more dangerous things he wants to do..lol
Not a whole lot been going on, been watching all the Michael Jackson memory shows...still in shock over that one. Last week definatly not a good week for celebs. Funny to hear my kids listening to his music now & have it downloaded to there ipods. Miss Krystal just got the newest itouch (very fancy ipod)....mama wants one! Zac will be getting his at the end of summer for workin with my dad. Of course Brie wants one too...I cannot wait until the town turns on that lovely wireless tower that has been standing there for a couple months now, free wireless how great that will be to get rid of slower than dirt dial up! Too funny Zac is playin guitar hero right now & there is a bird outside the window sounds like it is singing to the beat of the music....
went to dads to see my step brother, his wife & baby they live in ohio so only see them once a year. smores on the only nice day this week, trip to dhmc.....really nothing thrilling....too much rain...please make it go away!!!
I did get a new rubber stamp from a friend that reads "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." just thought it was a really nice saying.

oops I forgot

I read on one of my favorite blogs about an Angels amoung us project she is doing well a sweet child is in his last stages of cancer & isn't expected to make it through the summer well they are asking for everyone to put $1 in an envelope to him (no return address, he will see in post mark where it's from) to cheer him up on his last days with us on this earth. I sent mine out today his name is spencer. My heart goes out to very sick children, I think even more with all I have been through & still going through with my own. Here's his address if you would join in please.
Spencer Hardy
17968 NW Gilbert Lane
Portland Or 97229

Here is the web site if you want to read more www.lisabearson.com then hit lisa's blog for the story.

summer fun...

First I Need to say a very belated Happy Fathers Day to those dads in my life....hope it was a good one for all of you!!! The kids got Tim new golf clubs (with mommy's money :) )that he & zac will be trying out next weekend with my father in law....they all can't wait to get out on the green!!! Then Brie got him new golf balls, Krystal got him a new shirt & cooked him breakfast, & Zac got him new hooks & weights for fishin! Daddy-o got treated good & seemed happy with all his gifts!

A few good laughs from the kids this past week....I was sitting with Krystal when I hear zac yell mom come take a pic.....so get up thinkn wow he probably caught a huge one, well this is the pic of the prize winning fish!! Ha Then last night I went to sit on the steps for a minute & saw a ton of fire flys flying around, was such a beautiful sight! So I told the kiddos to come see, well miss krystal says mom can I use some hair spray I saw something on a show I want to try.....I agreed, apparently she said if she wrote a word in hairspray in the sky the fireflys would form the word so we could read it....I finally asked where did you watch this.....um the nutty professor!!! Too funny. For a girl that is going through so much she has such a wonderful joking personality that just lightens up the mood. She is a goof ball that's for sure.

I'm so jealous my bro is going to maine for the night...one of our dear friends bday & he has a condo in maine so it's a yearly tradition to celebrate up there. But I just haven't been doing well enough lately to make the journey with him. Plus I'm so used to him being around that when he leaves me for a day or two I'm so lost. But I have my kiddo's with me & a hubby & friend that checks on me constantly. I do have to say I love what ever that foreign object in the sky was today...very hot but so nice to have summer lovin weather!!!!!!!

love this quote

I came across this quote & absolutly love it...now if I could focus on living up to it!

Your time is limited,don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other peoples' thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinion drowned out your own inner voice. Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I just found this to really speak to me....for so many years I always worry about what everyone else will think, & filled with the what if's....I have given up so much of my own life for what could happen if....I've already had so much taken away in this past almost year that I finally had rebuilt myself up to....I printed out the quote & will read it daily to give me an uplift that I need so badly now. Another thing that really makes me think everytime I hear it is Miley Cyrus' (SP?) "The climb" who'd think a teenage singer could have such a powerful song...but if you really listen to the words it is so true! Go listen to it if you haven't

all grown up:(

This pic was taken Tuesday night at Brie's 8th grade graduation it is so hard to believe I am now a mother of 3 high school young adults...just breaks my heart to know how quickly they have grown. So many things I wish I would of done with them & things I wish I was able to do with them. Anyways...miss brie left wednesday morning for the annual white water rafting trip 8th grade does & just got back this afternoon. She had a blast & kept calling mommy to tell me about all the cute boys & about the cute guy that rescued her when she fell out of the raft.....yup she's boy crazy!!!! Tim & I will have our hands full with this one.lol. Zac & daddy took off for a "guys" day this morning after zacs last final at school (Yahoo he passed his freshman year!!!). Krystal & I had to go get Brie, so we grabbed a bite to eat first a nice little mom/daughter lunch which doesn't happen unless we're at the childrens hospital anyways it turned into a quick visit to the ER....she was having a severe allergic reaction to something! Dear god will this child ever get a break???

Other than that not a whole lot to update the family on....it's been alot of in bed time for me with massive headache & pain. Hubby has a ton of projects at work, not sure how he hasn't gone out of his mind yet between work & all my stuff he is at wits end. Sure hope we get nice weather soon this rain is killin me & it's not to great for the gardens either or makin any luck for fishin for my two guys.

And the award goes to.....

We are the proud parents of the highest Culinary Arts grade at WMRHS....that's right Miss Krystal recieved the award last night. Her grade average has been 113 & above all year long. Congrats Krystal your whole family is soooooooo proud of you!!! This is definatly a positive thing for her to accomplish especially with all she is going through & has to go through soon.

It is so hard to believe the end of the school year is almost here.....I am happy in one way though, my kiddos will be home with me all day to help do stuff & to keep me company...maybe my brother, mother & hubby can catch a break now. Zac is making plans on attending the police academy soon. They have an explorer program for students that are wanting to become officers once the graduate.....kinda an exciting moment for us knowing he's following in his daddy's footsteps, but a scary moment for his mommy.

DAY 2 & 3

So they uploaded backwards....the one with the two standing up were day 2 & the ones in the nest are day 3 it has been such a great joy to watch them these past few days. When I went to snap picture today one of them jumped out of the nest....Zac man & I stood there going oh no what do we do now....in swoops mama bird & the baby went a little higher....so we left them alone for a few minutes & baby happily got back in the nest with the others.

June already.....

The first picture is the new found babies in front of the house. Zac came across these baby blue jays tonight after school when lookin for worms. I can't believe how low they build there nests....hopefully nothing will get them & there mommy will take good care of them! It will be amazing to watch them grow in the next few days/weeks.

The second photo is at the JROTC dining out award ceremony. As you can see we are the proud parents of Corporal Zac! It was a touching moment, mommy got to put his new stripes on. Another tear up moment was when he presented me with a braclet that has beautiful beads on it with a poem that reads: Mother If I could give you diamonds for each tear you cried for me. if I could give you sapphires for each truth you've helped me see. If I could give you rubies for the heartache that you've known If I could give you pearls for the wisdom you've shown. Then you'll have a treasure, mother, that would mount up to the skies that would almost match the sparkle in your kind and loving eyes But I have no pearls, no diamonds, as I'm sure you're well aware So I'll give you gifts more precious MY devotion, love & care. I thought it was just the sweetest thing & will treasure it dearly for the rest of my life.

So hoping for some hot weather soon....june 2nd & it's pretty chilly although am quite happy to see the sun shining the past couple days! Hoping it will give me the umph to want to create a little something...I still have not for so long. As a last note please pray for my niece as we just found out she was raped two days ago by someone that had just got let out of jail for raping 3 other girls ages 14-16. What is wrong with the law!!! Those sick bastards should all be killed slowly torchered & it still would not compare to the pain us victims feel & go through for the rest of our lives. I just pray she has more strength than I had & gets the proper help & make sure they press charges no matter how tough it gets.

Top 5.....

As I am trying so very hard to see POSITIVE in my life I challenged myself to come up with at least 5 things that made me happy this past week! So here it goes in no particular order at all...

1) Hubby taking me & the kids out to Hoagies for my all time favorite pizza (pepperoni, onion & peppers) they make the BEST pizza around...trust me I've have tried many different pizza places over the many years & this has definatly become a family favorite!!!

2)Wildlife this week; Finally getting to see my swamp donkey & on our way to DHMC this week I saw a mama hawk teaching her baby how to fly....breath taking moment. I love nature

3) A very exciting letter in the mail yesterday......requesting that Tim, I, & Krystal be present as she receives an honor at the annual academic awards...I am so happy & proud of her especially with the year she has had. My gut tells me it is for Culinary

4) Watching my little boy become a man...it's sad but a happy moment at the same time

5) All the calls & texts from family & friends this week to keep my chin up. Plus teachin my mom how to text was totally fun.......of course all the text during the day from hubby to let me know he's thinkin about me while he works.

So those were the top things I could think of right now....hope to see some sun over the weekend.

Rain rain go away.....

I am so ready for some nice warm sunny weather!!!!! This damp cold stuff really makes me hurt alot more & miss Krystal also...her knee gets so bad she can just about walk. She's getting really nervous that we are getting really close to the date with the heart specialist. Her nero confirmed that they definatly believe she'll need surgery & inplant. Please pray for our little girl. Our family & close friends will be notified privatly when this is taking place...too many lurkers that just don't need to know dates of her appts so she/we can go without the "extra" stresses. Thank you again to my in-laws for there support for her, my & Tims health & well being.
Sadly the tomato plants that Tim planted this weekend got hit by frost, some made it but others did not....so when we know for sure warmer weather is here he will replant....luckily it was the beginning & not half way through growing season.
On another positive note Zac was presented with 2 Ribbons for his uniform & will be promoted to Corperal....how exciting. Brie will be joining the JROTC this summer so we should have great competitive things going on in the house next school year...LOL... So hard to believe all 3 of our kids will be in high school in Sept., so terribly sad for me though because my little girl will be 18 in just a few months. She found out today that she gets to go to France next year with the Mountain View Academy...how cool is that!!! Brie had moving up day & spent the day at the HS today so I'm sure her little mouth will continuosly run tonight. Her brother & sister were going to let her eat lunch with them so she wouldn't feel out of place which I thought was super cool & sweet.

Happy Memorial Day!!

What a beautiful day it is although very cold this morning during the parade which I am sure all the men & women in uniform were very grateful for. My mom, gram, Tim, Brie & I all went to the parade in Lancaster....it was a very proud moment for us all....Zac man was marching for the first time EVER in a parade. After ALOT of convincing, bribing & promise that his mom would be there he agreed to do it. I am so proud of my boy, which I have discovered as much as I would love him to stay my little boy his is very quickly turning into a fine young man. He is mowing lawns for the first time today (I know many of you are saying 15 & just barely mowing....I'm very overprotective & with a few disabilities it just wasn't safe before) Daddy is supervising very well! I was also sooooo happy my gram was able to go watch her great grandson march very proudly at least this one time. These kids are so lucky to still have their great grandmother & lots of great memories with her. The rest of today will be relax for me, this morning did me in...so the "boys" will be grilling while mom, gram & I get to sit & watch.

A couple other EXCITING moments for me this weekend are Tim built me an above ground garden to have a few tomato plants & planted them.....plus I FINALLY got to see a swamp donkey yesterday a.k.a. MOOSE.....not just one but two of them playing in the field in Littleton. How cool is that.....I have been patiently waiting & it finally happend! Ok so it doesn't take much to excite me these days...LOL!!! Hope you all have wonderful memorial day memories.....

Inspiration....

Inspiration is what I have been searching for lately. I've been in such a "rut" for a while now between my health, krystal, etc; it's not that I don't have plenty of photos to scrap it's I just can't pull myself to do it, the overwhelming feeling of not being "good enough", the fact that I have allowed myself to become totally dependant of pain killers, the fact I've allowed everyone/everything control how I feel, seeing fear on my childrens face when they go out to play or when they are leaving me, the saddness I see on there faces because I'm not the mom or wife I once was just a huge spiraling of emotions running through me from saddness, anger, loss, revenge....not that my family & friends aren't trying there very hardest to make me happy. Anyways, I need to take control of my life for me so I can become a better mom, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, etc granted it will have limitations but I need to find that inspiration that makes me know I did something good.....i found some tranquility on a peaceful but short ride this morning, it was so quiet, so beautiful, birds were chirping, etc; was gorgous! Still waiting to see that darn swamp donkeys...LOL
So today I took a little time to do some blog surfing....Liz K always brings a smile on her & her hubby are so uplifting. But noticed a special make a card for hero this weekend...so later on I may try to pull out a few things & make a card. Our heros are a huge & very important part of my life....remembering my grandpa who fought in WWII, a dear friend that served overseas 3 times, Tim that protected & served his surrounding community in law enforcement, my son who proudly wears his uniform & future police officer, & all the men & women serving our country including our firefighters, emts & police....they are all who keeps us safe & FREE! Be sure to take a moment to remember each & every one of them this weekend.
Have a very Happy & Safe memorial day weekend.....

achoooooo......

Exactly what is going on in this household now...a whole lota sneezing & sniffling!! Allergie season is in full force the only one not being affected yet is Tim. If I could only reach in & scratch my eyeballs for some relief...LOL. This has to be one of the things I dread the most about spring is the pollen & those wonderful dandilions floating in the air!
Zac has had two visits so far to the chiropractor, he some how popped out the joint between his hip & back which caused damage to the center of his spine & neck, he goes back again tomorrow which hopefully will be the last one but not sure. Poor kid has been in ALOT of pain.
Mom got home from her cruise safely Friday night, the whole rest of the family had fun creating a letter from her cats telling her why she shouldn't ever go away again...too funny
Tim & I picked out our final floor plans & moving forward with what was once only a dream. That man has a whole lot on his plate right now with work, taking care of me & the kids, home, etc....hmmm & we wonder why his ticker is acting up!
Enjoy the sunshine....temps are suppose to be 90 by thurs!!!! How great is that

fun moment

Finally all 3 children were together which is rare around here, so I took a moment the other day on early release day to take a picture of all 3 together. So unbelievable how big they have gotten my son is almost 6 foot tall now!!! Hopefully he slows down soon. The moment was fun because we were standing at the end of the tressel on the connecticut river & all except for Brie we were scared....not one for heights!

Proud daddy

Saturday night was Krystals junior prom....she looked so beautiful as you can see her daddy is very proud of her too. It was too funny as soon as the father/daughter dance was over & we were ready to leave the fire alarm went off & we all had to evacuate the building...just another part of the memory to laugh about. We actually allowed her to go to an party after....only because it was at a state trooper & lawyers house...no worries:) While Tim & I were home waiting to go get her from the prom a HUGE bear was in our yard he was slapping a 4ft x 4ft dumpster around like it was a beach ball...he stood close to 7ft tall neither of us had ever seen one so big before, can honestly say I don't ever want to again.

Mothers Day was very quiet day, my mom was gone but we went to see gram brought her flowers & a card & just spent time with her. Tim & the kids got me some cards & a gift cert. to a scrapbooking store for $150!!! How great is that!!! Plus he took me to lunch.

On a sad note though we found out my aunt cindy's cancer is back & the rushed her into surgery yesterday...she pulled through the surgery great & now it is the sit & wait to find out more details.

Last night was a devastating night on American Idol for me....my Danny is gone:( But I am sure he will make a cd & be at the top of the charts just like the great Chris Daughtry..love him too! It's something about those raspy sexy voices...lol Not much else on this end to report I can't seem to find any energy or ambition to want to amount to anything lately...this change constantly in the weather is making me ache soooooo bad & now the lovely allergy season is here. our vehicles look yellow. Have a great night.....

a few things....

A few things have saddend me a little through the weekend & today...as many know we are a huge american idol fans, by hearing the news that lasts years David Cooks brother had passed away from cancer made me sad...his brother was the reason David tried & won American Idol & was by his side through the journey. Life is so short & so unexpected. Also made me a little sad that for the first time in a few years I missed out & didn't celebrate National Scrapbooking Day on Sat...haven't done much of anything on projects for a while, my poor mom is still waiting to get her birthday album back finished!! I won't be able to celebrate mothers day with my mom this year as she will be gone.
Things that made me happy over the weekend...the calls from the inlaws to see how there son & grandchildren are doing. So sad that we don't keep in better contact (I know it works both ways:)! we live in the same state & only see each other maybe once or twice a year. It was also nice to watch all 3 kids & hubby tossing the football last night...gosh does Brie have one heck of a throw!!
This coming weekend is Krystals prom...thank you to mom for taking her shopping to find a gown. Makes me sad that I wasn't able to do this special moment with her, but I knew there was no way I could of done all those stores & traveling. Praying she can get through this evening with no problems & able to enjoy this special event in her life. Although tecniqually she has already been to a prom....she was in my belly growing like a weed for mine!
Another thing came to mind that made me happy to hear...as hurt as I am that the friendship wasn't what I thought it was I was happy to hear that my co worker made it through her surgery safely & is on the way to recovery. I will always cherish the special moments we had shared at one time, but definatly happy for her & her family that she is safe & hopefully be back to her normal life soon.

So Proud

This past weekend was youth turkey hunting...our son got one first thing in the morning. Grandpa took him out as he does for any of the hunting seasons....it weighed in at 15 1/2 pounds! He was so proud as we were of him. Guess all that target practicing daily really paid off!! A few other things I am so proud of is Brie making honor roll yet again & for Krystal dealing with all this life challenges much better than her mama. We have to visit a electrophysiologist soon to figure out what they will do to her heart. Her seizures have been out of control lately, she's having them a few times a day again & in the shower. So sad!! On top of it we just found out there is something wrong with Tims heart & he has tons of tests coming right up. He's on new meds at this time. Not sure just how much more this family can endure, but we make the best of each day even if it means just laying around watching a movie or tv show together. My poor brother has pneumonia in one lung & bronchitis in the other. Now this whole swine flu has me terrified for any of us to be in the public... kids have specific orders to scrub & sanitize there hands constantly & stay away from everyone that is sneezing of coughing. I was sooooooo mad when 6 kids that just returned from mexico were allowed in school already. Loving this weather....feels cold today compared to the past 2 days but the sunshine is beautiful....sitting & watchin the kids play together is a great site to see but could definatly do without the ticks that they come in with....the joys of living in the woods....wouldn't change it for anything though! Not even the creepy man in the woods or those bears that like to sneak up.

Happy Easter

Getting up to the beautiful sunny spring morning was nice, but looking out the window to see that the bears are back wasn't so nice....garbage EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! So that would be one thing about spring I don't care for, but I did notice my moms flowers are starting to sprout & her crocuses are up....all signs warmer weather is closer every day:)
Sooooo I spoke with the cardiologist yesterday about Krystals readings from her heart monitor & there is abnormilties, so now we have to hurry to get her into the pediatric heart dr's at DHMC & find out which surgical procedure they will be doing.....so wish us luck & prayers for our baby girl (I know she's 17 & not a baby, but she will always be my baby girl). Sadly I have to deal with other BS this week before I can tend to my child. anyways she is handling it ok for now, scared but ok.
Wishing my family, extended family & true friends a very Happy Easter tomorrow luckily it doesn't sound like it's going to snow like they thought at the beginning of the week!!!

Signs of SPRING!!!

When I looked out our window this morning this is what I saw....the first robin of the year a sure sign of spring is really here!!

Not a whole lot new around here, same ole stuff day after day.....we did find out Krystal doesn't have TB, they are still trying to rule out some of the diseases before they get more in depth with the more complicated ones. Waiting for more blood results to come in to see if her white count has come down at all or if it has risen more. Today she is in Manchester at a food bank helping with the soup kitchen for Mountain View Academy....last Friday she got to go to Fenway Park, it was really ify if she was going to be able to go due to health & her heart was "acting up" late Thursday night, but it's one of her dreams to go there....mommy & daddy are trying to figure out how to get her to a game....the one wish she has......so we're working on it..shhhhhh it's top secret....lol. I have to say she has amazing teachers & the school has been great seems how she has missed weeks at a time of school this year. Thank goodness for my awesome family that helps out ALOT with all the needs of me & Krystal!!! I truly am blessed for them all.

Brie had dental work done the other day & has been in pain since in her jaw, she had such a tough time it took 1 1/2 hrs to do 3 teeth. I felt so bad for her...she cracked me up the other night though by saying mommy my face feels better when I talk.....trust me all she does is talk...LOL. Tim has painted almost all the ceilings here, looking great of course if you look at his shirt you'd have to wonder what wore more paint the ceiling or him???? My Zac man has been faithfully shooting anytime it's not raining....he's thinking he wants to be a cop like dad & he's really itchin to get his hands dirty by rebuilding a truck....yup he is PURE BOY!!! So sad to see them all grow so quickly. sigh...

Another thing the Whole Family Loves about this time of year is american idol...my favorite is Danny.....Brie loves Adam & Krystal is a Anoop fan....my predictions are that it will come down to Danny, Adam & the 16 year old girl...totally just went brain dead with the name guess that's what med's will do to ya....enjoy the sunshine while we have it...the nasty weather man said we could have a white Easter...yuck!!!

April Showers......

Looks like we will certainly be getting plenty of April showers this week....I do love Spring though, all the newness of life beauty of wild critters around & watching flowers grow plus so much more. One of my favorite sounds of spring is the birds singing outside our bedroom window early in the morning. I've been fighting so hard these past couple of weeks to find something to relax me, no luck as of yet....a few things have made me smile like seeing the greenery coming up in our flower garden. Mud though....getting really old. Hmmmm trying to think of updates, influenza struck our house hard this year, of course with mommy not able to do the amount of cleaning, sterilizations, etc that I used to didn't help. So yes even I got it this year luckily only lasted a few days of high fever, swollen glands & tired. Weirdly though we all were craving really weird foods I would of killed for a steak & cheese during the worst of it....LOL...My dear sweet brother said that when I die he's burying me with a huge bottle of germ x...anyone who knows me knows I am nowhere without it!! Thank god for him, a friend & family to get me through all this BS that's going on right now....can't say much because of certain lurkers except there has been ALOT of hurt, betrayel & lies that I don't know how to deal with. Enough of that crap for now.....
Krystal finally got to take off heart monitor on Saturday so now we wait to find out if it will be meds or pacemaker or what for her heart. Then it will be dealing with the rest of the health issues on top of that. Hard being the parent to figure out what to fix first. Zac has been really working on his target practicing with his gun everyday....really wanting to protect his mama right now. Brie is busy learning her new guitar her dad gave her.....OMG!!!!
Hope all the extended family is doing well.....

Warning.....

THAT'S RIGHT LET ME WARN YOU IF YOU ARE INJURED AT WORK, MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SMILE, DON'T EVER ATTEND YOUR CHILDS EVENT OR CLAP YOUR HANDS......APPARENTLY WHEN YOU HAVE A NECK/HEAD INJURY YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO DO ANY OF THE ABOVE & YES EVEN WITH THE DR TELLING YOUR SPOUSE TO GET YOU OUT NOW & THEN SO YOU DON'T GET INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION OR NOT GET ANY EXERCISE...DON'T DO IT.....THOSE SNEAKY SLIMY PEOPLE WATCHING EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE & EVEN VIDEO TAPING YOUR CHILDREN (WHICH I WOULD BELIEVE TO BE AGAINST THE LAW). YUP IT'S BEEN A HORRIBLE WEEK & THIS JUST PUT THE CHERRY ON TOP!!!!!!!! OH YES & YOUR CO-WORKERS/BOSS THEY AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS....THERE OUT TO GET YOU TO...SO BASICALLY MY WORD OF ADVICE IS NEVER TRUST ANYBODY & DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN EVER!!!! I FEEL SO BETRAYED THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY, I'VE FOREVER HAD TRUST ISSUES DUE TO HORRIBLE CHILDHOOD & I FOR ONCE THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE A FRIEND I WAS TAUGHT TO BE WRONGED AGAIN.....EVERY ONE WANTS TO PREACH JUST STAY POSITIVE...HMMMMM HOW DOES ONE DO THAT????YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYONE. BET I WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE SITTING BY OUR DAUGHTERS SIDE AS SHE HAS BEEN IN & OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ALL WEEK LONG. OWELL........THAT'S RIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT KRYSTAL WAS RUSHED TO THE ER DUE TO HIGH FEVER (SHE HAD JUST FINISHED TWO ROUNDS OF ANTIBIOTICS) DRS' COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY SHE WOULD HAVE HIGH FEVER, SO STREP & INFLUENZA TEST COME BACK NEGATIVE.....BLOOD WORK REVIELEDHER WHITE COUNT WAS 25,800....EXCESSIVELY HIGH, NORMAL IS UP TO 10,000. SO MORE RUSHING AROUND TO DRAW MINI SODA BOTTLES FULL OF BLOOD....HAVE TO WAIT 24 HRS FOR THOSE RESULTS.....SUNDAY NIGHT RUSHED TO HOSPITAL BY AMBULANCE HEART RATE HAD BEEN AT 113 & ABOVE FOR OVER 24 HRS...SPINAL TAP DONE. THEY STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY SHE IS SO SICK.....EVERYDAY EXCEPT TODAY WE'VE BEEN IN & OUT OF MANY DIFFERENT DR'S TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY SHE IS SOOOOO SICK. MONDAY IF SHE'S NOT BETTER ANOTHER SPINAL TAP TO BE DONE, SHE'S ON ROUND 3 OF ANTIBIOTICS EVEN STRONGER THAN ANY OF THE OTHERS. POOR KID I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE SO SICK & LIFELESS. THANK GOD FOR MY FAMILY & 1 TRUE FRIEND THROUGH ALL THIS...THE ONLY REASON I KNOW THIS PERSON IS A TRUE FRIEND IS BECAUSE THIS PERSON HAS BEEN FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS NOW & NEVER HAS TURNED THERE BACK NO MATTER WHAT. DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT ANY OF THEM....LOVE YOU ALL!!!
I GUESS THE ONE THING THAT IRRITATES ME ABOUT THE ABOVE MENTIONED IS I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, I'VE LOST ALOT OF MY ABILITIES & LIVE ON DRUGS & PATCHES EVERYDAY NOW. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, BUT DON'T LIKE FEELING "RAPED" OF MY PRIVACY. DOING WHAT MY DR'S ADVISE ME TO DO, DON'T/WOULDN'T FAKE ANY OF THIS SHIT....I WOULD LOVE A DAY WITH NO PAIN...YES I HAVE TO BEYOND DRUG MYSELF SO I CAN GO OUT TO THE REAL WORLD AM I PROUD OF THAT..NO...I HATE MEDS! I HATE THIS LIFE, I HATE THAT I CAN'T BE A GOOD WIFE/MOTHER, I HATE THE BURDEN I'VE PUT ON TIM(LIKE HE NEEDED MORE). I HATE THAT THIS WORKMANS COMP CRAP IS PUSHING ME INTO A PLACE I DIDN'T WANT TO VISIT AGAIN...HATE....PURE HATE & ALOT OF REGRET FOR LETTING CERTAIN PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE......NEVER WILL IT HAPPEN AGAIN....NEVER DO I WANT THAT HURT OR BETRAYEL..

counting down to spring......

I SO CANNOT WAIT FOR SPRING TO BE HERE SO I CAN OPEN UP THESE DOORS & LET THE FRESH AIR IN & THE GERMS OUT!!! JUST GOT BACK FROM BRINGING ZAC MAN TO THE DRS....POOR KID HAS BEEN SO SICK SINCE MILITARY BALL. TODAY HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BRONCHITIS AGAIN! 3 WEEKS OF NON STOP SICKNESS FOR HIM, HE'S LOST WEIGHT, HE GETS UP LONG ENOUGH TO EAT A FEW BITES & THEN OFF TO BED AGAIN. LAST WEEKEND TIM & I WENT TO MASS TO VISIT MY BROTHER, IT WAS TO GET ME AWAY FROM ALL THIS SICKNESS & GIVE ME A BREAK FROM ALL DRS' ETC....THE RIDE WAS SO PAINFUL JUST WAS NOT ENOUGH DRUGS TO MAKE IT MORE COMFORTABLE! WELL MONDAY WE GOT SLAMMED WITH A HUGE STORM, TUES WE DID A FEW THINGS, THEN ATE AT SUBWAY & MY HUBBY GETS FOOD POISONING!!!!! OMG ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THE THOUGHT OF FOOD POISONING JUST FREAKS ME OUT....NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WON'T BE GOING TO SUBWAY ANYTIME SOON! SO HE WAS FINALLY ABLE TO JUMP IN THE TRUCK TO GET US HOME (TWO DAYS LONGER THAN WE WERE SUPPOSE TO BE). THEN HE COMES DOWN WITH A HORRIBLE COLD & HAS DONE SOMETHING TO HIS BACK.....MY HANDS ARE SO RAW FROM WASHING THEM & USING GERM X ON THEM.....WE NEED SOME GOOD LUCK FROM SOMEWHERE....I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS BAD LUCK! KRYSTAL IS ON HER HEART MONITOR I WILL BE SO HAPPY WHEN THEY CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER.
HOPE YOU ALL GOT OUT THERE TO VOTE TODAY.....TONIGHT IS AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT SO MOMMY IS FINALLY GOING TO TRY TO CREATE SOMETHING & VEG!

Military Ball

Boy do I have ALOT of scrappin to do just from last weeks events. Here is a picture of Zac with Leiutenant Col. Gearhart (his teacher) from the ball. As normal my son tried avoiding the camera for most of the night. Today though poor kid has come down with the flu....needless to say I'm lysoling everything so no one else gets it. The two girls are gone so it's Tim & I that really need to not get it. Today we had new couch & love seat delivered, our old set (almost 10 yrs old) was so beaten & not comfy at all. It was a great deal so we couldn't pass it up (I didn't even see it til today, Tim did). Feels good to have something new, we figured our kids are older now & the puppies are out of there chewing stage so we could finally treat ourselves. Besides hubby got a plow truck this weekend, no more snowblowing for 3 to 4 hours after working all day! So when daddy gets something....so does mommy...LOL works great for both of us!! We got almost a foot of snow here yesterday...was toooooo funny he had gotten up at 6 yesterday & said he needed to plow out his car & that he would get out of work early to plow for us & mom...I told him I knew he only wanted to play with his new toy...he & zac were out plowing for a couple hours. Mom & I both laughed at the two boys in the new toy!! Guess "boys" truly never grow up...LOL

winter carnival

Thursday night was Brie's last winter carnival dance at the Lancaster Elementary School. So hard to believe my baby girl is already 13 & will be entering high school in the fall!! SO SAD:( She looked so beautiful & all grown up. Last night Tim had to work late so the kids & I had to run into littleton to do a few errands, so I decided to run into Gen. of memories real quick to say hi to Lynne & get a few new supplies...can't wait to start creating with them. Then we came home to make homemade pizza & play a board game together. Tonight is Zacs military ball so we've been polishing up all the pins & other parts of his uniform....mama certainly raised a fine looking man in uniform!!! He has informed us at this point he wants to follow in Tims footsteps & be a cop after getting out of school...guess I will never get to breathe that sigh of relief & will sit right next to the scanner when I know he's out on the streets as I did with every call out whether it was for the PD or fire dept. (which I still faithfully listen to so I know my dear friend(s) are ok. Besides I just want to know what's going on around us. Anyways off to help my baby boy get spiffed up...have a great night!

GOT SNOW????

I WAS SO SUPRISED AFTER LISTENING TO THE WEATHER ALL DAY YESTERDAY TO WAKE UP TO NO SNOW!!! IT'S BEEN SPITTING SNOW ALL DAY HERE, BUT STILL NO REAL ACCUMULATION, MELTS AS SOON AS IT HITS THE VEHICLES IN THE YARD....NO COMPLAINTS ON THIS END THOUGH. I AM SO READY FOR SPRING!!!
A FEW UPDATES.....ZAC GOT ANOTHER PROMOTION YESTERDAY IN JROTC, HE IS NOW PRIVATE FIRST CLASS...SO EXCITING. HIS MILITARY BALL IS THIS WEEKEND AT THE TOWN & COUNTRY & HE'S GOING TO BE A SABER BEARER...A HUGE HONOR SEEMS HOW HE IS ONLY A FRESHMAN. I CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW GREAT THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN FOR HIM. SURE DOES LOOK HANDSOME IN HIS UNIFORM (S).
KRYSTAL HAS HAD THE ECHOCARDIOGRAM, STRESS TEST & TILT TABLE TEST SO FAR IN THE PAST WEEK & A HALF. NEXT IS BEING HOOKED UP TO A 30 DAY HEART MONITOR. WHICH WILL BE HAPPENING SOON. SHE HAS BEEN SO SICK THIS WEEK, BORDERLINE BRONCHITIS/PNEUMONIA. LOADED UP WITH ANTIBIOTICS & OTHER MEDS. TODAY WAS HER FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL, THEN WE HEAD TO THE NEUROLOGIST AFTER SHE GETS HOME. SHE IS CLOSER TO BEING ABLE TO MOVE INTO HER OWN ROOM SOON. TIM HAS TO WORK ALL WEEKEND, SO I MAY HAVE TO CALL GRAMPA WHO KNOWS???
OTHER THAN THAT IT'S THE SAME OLE SAME EVERYDAY.....TRYING TO STILL FIND THE POSITIVES TO KEEP GOING...