prayers are working....

It was such a beautiful day yesterday, the kids & I spent quality time together just laying around, chatting, & went outside to take a few pics that didn't involve snow...I try now & then to take a pic with my kids because of my close calls with death..I want them to have some pics to remember there mama with...not to mention they sure are growing up fast on me!!! Can't believe in less then 2 months my baby is graduating high school....ugh...the thought makes me want to cry & be proud of her at the same moment.

Well so far my uncle is still holding on, his heart beat is back in normal rhythm, he is still in a coma, still on dialysis, but at least now we have a diagnosis of why this happend to him. When he had his heart surgery, he had a cathitor (sp?) in him & it has caused TSS toxic shock syndrom...so that shut his kidney down...with any luck it will work fine & with lots of prayers he will be on his very long road to recovery..but he is still with us. When we saw him Tues he wiggled his eyebrows & ears when we spoke to him a little...so he knows we are there. So please keep those prayers rolling in. Praying for peaceful nights for him, Tues night was rough & last night too...Thank YOU

Praying for a miracle....

Friday I got a call from my dad saying my favorite Uncle Rolly had been brought to DHMC..my aunt Cindy thought he had just the flu, but because he just had major heart surgery on March 23rd they wanted to see him just in case..as soon as she got there with him he was in respitory distress, and instantly ventalated him. But he was stable. Saturday he took a HUGE turn for worse his kidney (which he had a kidney transplant 8 years ago)had failed, his heart was failing & the calls were coming in for all family to get there to say our goodbyes....it was the most gut wrenchin call I had gotten since my best friend died in January. So we spent all weekend in ICU hoping & praying....with some small miracle & each of us including my kids went in to tell him we are not ready for him to leave us...some small miracle 5 am Sunday morning his kidney was functioning some & they cut back on some of the meds. He is on dialysis again, in a coma, etc...we counted 22 iv's running into him at least...he had broken his fever finally...today his heart beats are within normal range & he is makin urine...2 signs that we might witness a miracle...he's still not out of woods yet...still in a coma & on life support. I couldn't go back again today, way too much pain & needed some rest. My dad, my aunt & tons of family are by his side...they have been through so much, my aunt just got news her cancer had come back for 4th time & is activly on Chemo & pain pump...so she is not in greatest health to be there...they have been through so much together.....so I am asking all my extended family that is very active in church & my friends PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say alot of prayers that he will pull through this!!! These are two of the most deserving people of a miracle...they are so in love...sadly met each other alot later in life, they've been married only 8 years...they need many more years together...I need my uncle for many more years...please say alot of prayers.

alot of thinkin....

Well I'm now seven weeks out from surgery, still in a great deal of pain & discomfort, still can't eat only a few bites of things, so still living on slim fast shakes to get nutriets. I've lost almost 20 pounds (which doesn't hurt my feelings at all:) )....between losing all this weight & losing just about eveything we owned in old house gives me a reason to buy new clothes if I ever have a good enough day to get out to want to go do a little shopping. This weather is really messing with my body...head & neck from injury are killing me more than normal because of dampness & cold. Allergies were kicked in full force...the only thing good about todays snowy weather is I'm getting a little break from them. I saw my surgeon last week & she claims it will be well over a year before i am back to feeling somewhat good with the surgery...she explained it as if I had new anotomy put in my body & my body has to adjust to "new" parts, plus my body went through major trauma & was near death...so I guess I need to learn patience....I feel so broken, so uncomplete, so useless...was having an extremely hard time with just the neck/head injury on all things I've had to give up doing & now this....I'm so sick of living on meds, I'm so sick of living like this...I don't feel like I am a good enough wife or mother as I can not attend to everyones needs...at 36 years old I feel so needy because I have to depend on everyone else to do stuff for me...so unfair!!!!
I keep thinkin I really need to make thank you cards for all those that sent me things & have been here for me through all of this. But I can't seem to get any creativity or energy going... owell...still haven't been in since we moved in Sept. I so badly need to be inspired, I need hope, I need my creativity back...some how some way I need to feel better about myself...somehow I need to find the love in life again with all these challenges.
Tomorrow is my grams 84th bday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY gram...sadly we won't be able to celebrate, she is so sick right now & her doc is thinkin about admittin her to hospital. Then got a call from my dad they have rushed my uncle into ICU at DHMC...so much more has happend, and it needs to stop...I can't take anymore.
On a good note I just got all my kids report cards & they all did awesome. I am so proud of all of you & love you so much. they have made me so proud this year with all there accomplishments...still thinkin my son is the "hottest" fireman they have in town. :)