prayers are working....

It was such a beautiful day yesterday, the kids & I spent quality time together just laying around, chatting, & went outside to take a few pics that didn't involve snow...I try now & then to take a pic with my kids because of my close calls with death..I want them to have some pics to remember there mama with...not to mention they sure are growing up fast on me!!! Can't believe in less then 2 months my baby is graduating high school....ugh...the thought makes me want to cry & be proud of her at the same moment.

Well so far my uncle is still holding on, his heart beat is back in normal rhythm, he is still in a coma, still on dialysis, but at least now we have a diagnosis of why this happend to him. When he had his heart surgery, he had a cathitor (sp?) in him & it has caused TSS toxic shock syndrom...so that shut his kidney down...with any luck it will work fine & with lots of prayers he will be on his very long road to recovery..but he is still with us. When we saw him Tues he wiggled his eyebrows & ears when we spoke to him a little...so he knows we are there. So please keep those prayers rolling in. Praying for peaceful nights for him, Tues night was rough & last night too...Thank YOU

Praying for a miracle....

Friday I got a call from my dad saying my favorite Uncle Rolly had been brought to DHMC..my aunt Cindy thought he had just the flu, but because he just had major heart surgery on March 23rd they wanted to see him just in case..as soon as she got there with him he was in respitory distress, and instantly ventalated him. But he was stable. Saturday he took a HUGE turn for worse his kidney (which he had a kidney transplant 8 years ago)had failed, his heart was failing & the calls were coming in for all family to get there to say our goodbyes....it was the most gut wrenchin call I had gotten since my best friend died in January. So we spent all weekend in ICU hoping & praying....with some small miracle & each of us including my kids went in to tell him we are not ready for him to leave us...some small miracle 5 am Sunday morning his kidney was functioning some & they cut back on some of the meds. He is on dialysis again, in a coma, etc...we counted 22 iv's running into him at least...he had broken his fever finally...today his heart beats are within normal range & he is makin urine...2 signs that we might witness a miracle...he's still not out of woods yet...still in a coma & on life support. I couldn't go back again today, way too much pain & needed some rest. My dad, my aunt & tons of family are by his side...they have been through so much, my aunt just got news her cancer had come back for 4th time & is activly on Chemo & pain pump...so she is not in greatest health to be there...they have been through so much together.....so I am asking all my extended family that is very active in church & my friends PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say alot of prayers that he will pull through this!!! These are two of the most deserving people of a miracle...they are so in love...sadly met each other alot later in life, they've been married only 8 years...they need many more years together...I need my uncle for many more years...please say alot of prayers.

alot of thinkin....

Well I'm now seven weeks out from surgery, still in a great deal of pain & discomfort, still can't eat only a few bites of things, so still living on slim fast shakes to get nutriets. I've lost almost 20 pounds (which doesn't hurt my feelings at all:) )....between losing all this weight & losing just about eveything we owned in old house gives me a reason to buy new clothes if I ever have a good enough day to get out to want to go do a little shopping. This weather is really messing with my body...head & neck from injury are killing me more than normal because of dampness & cold. Allergies were kicked in full force...the only thing good about todays snowy weather is I'm getting a little break from them. I saw my surgeon last week & she claims it will be well over a year before i am back to feeling somewhat good with the surgery...she explained it as if I had new anotomy put in my body & my body has to adjust to "new" parts, plus my body went through major trauma & was near death...so I guess I need to learn patience....I feel so broken, so uncomplete, so useless...was having an extremely hard time with just the neck/head injury on all things I've had to give up doing & now this....I'm so sick of living on meds, I'm so sick of living like this...I don't feel like I am a good enough wife or mother as I can not attend to everyones needs...at 36 years old I feel so needy because I have to depend on everyone else to do stuff for me...so unfair!!!!
I keep thinkin I really need to make thank you cards for all those that sent me things & have been here for me through all of this. But I can't seem to get any creativity or energy going... owell...still haven't been in since we moved in Sept. I so badly need to be inspired, I need hope, I need my creativity back...some how some way I need to feel better about myself...somehow I need to find the love in life again with all these challenges.
Tomorrow is my grams 84th bday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY gram...sadly we won't be able to celebrate, she is so sick right now & her doc is thinkin about admittin her to hospital. Then got a call from my dad they have rushed my uncle into ICU at DHMC...so much more has happend, and it needs to stop...I can't take anymore.
On a good note I just got all my kids report cards & they all did awesome. I am so proud of all of you & love you so much. they have made me so proud this year with all there accomplishments...still thinkin my son is the "hottest" fireman they have in town. :)

4 weeks later....

Four weeks ago I had yet another life changing event.....sure do wish these life changing events would start being really good ones instead!!! Something exciting or something that doesn't cause more pain would be great...It has been a crazy 4 weeks some good some bad...I've gotten to see so many of my old friends or heard from them, surrounded by family & loved ones daily...now they are doing "shift work" LOL Most people would be so happy to have someone do everything for them....well it is driving me absolutly insane!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that i could do a whole lot before this surgery, but at least it was a little something now & then.....I'm sick of this new diet I'm suppose to be on, still can't eat much of anything so still on liquid diet...good thing I love chocolate shakes. I'm still struggling to accept this huge scar that has ruined my body, just emotionally having a really hard time with everything right now. God bless my family & friends that are trying so hard to keep me smiling...but inside I am torn apart. Yes I am grateful to still have my life & watch my kiddos growin up so many things i would love to do with them but can't...I'm trying to avoid the cold that has seem to strike just about every one...it kills to cough or sneeze!!!!!!!!!!! I keep thinkin I should go into my craft room to make thank you cards for everyone that has been here for me since the surgery, but honestly I haven't even stepped foot in since we've moved here except to put new things in a huge pile that is callin my name to work with.....
Looking forward to brighter days with warm sunshine....maybe laying next to the pool in the sun having people wait on me won't seem so bad then..LOL... Hope you all have a great weekend & keep warm.

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!!

OMG...it is so beautiful out!! I was just looking at my thermometer & it is almost 60..hard to believe for middle of March...I can't wait for a few more weeks & it will be time to call the boys back to open up the pool for the season!!! Can't wait to do my layin down & relaxing sippin drinks next to the pool!!!! I did get up a little bit ago & sat on the deck with munchkin to take in some rays & get some fresh air......
It's been 3 weeks since that scary close call....I'm slowly healing, still in alot of pain, still basically on a liquid diet...I eat a little here & there but as soon as i do my stomach swells & causes so much discomfort....which they claim could be well over a year before I will be able to eat "normal"....luckily I have found something I enjoy drinking as meal replacements...its the Chocolate flavor Special K shake...they are $6 for 4 of the bottles which yes is costly but I have to have a high fiber diet & this at least has 5g per drink & has the other vitamins I am missing without eating normal. So I'm asking my friends & family if you see any coupons for them to please keep me in mind & send them to us... it would be greatly appreciated. I still have to say a huge thank you to my friends & family that are in & out of here all day long taking care of me above & beyond what they were already doing before....& for all the thoughts & prayers from my friends & family that can't be with us.....all of you have made a huge difference in my life & I truly appreciate it. I'm trying my hardest to keep my spirits up, as this was a huge altering life style change for me yet again....still having issues with the scar...but thanking god everyday that he let me live yet again to spend more time on this earth.
Tim got me out a couple times last week during the nice days to cheer me up...got to see a few old friends which was awesome!!! Made my day & made me realize how much i miss some....
Hope this finds everyone doing well & enjoying the sunshine....for my down south family hope the floods aren't affecting you & that the sun dries up everything for you quickly.
til next time LIVE LAUGH & LOVE.....

What a month.....

February was quite the month...beginning of Feb was my birthday & my true friends & family made it a totally amazing one!!! Second week we had an exhange student from NYC JROTC stay with us, basically we provided a bed because the JROTC kids had a packed schedual while here...it was an amazing experience for all of us...they couldn't believe how dark it is here at night because they are so used to all the lights, too funny when they said how do you drive here in such darkness....
then my dear sweet boy ended up with bronchitis...but mama is used to it so I caught it early so it didn't turn out as bad as normal thank god!!! Then finally winter vacation was here for the kids, they were so excited until....mama was knocking on deaths door!! Monday I was rushed into surgery, one we all thought might be my appendix, the surgeon told myself & my wonderful supporting family it should only take an hour....four and a half hours later i was rolled into ICU, my intestine had erupted & my body was filling with poison. I remember coming to & feeling the huge scar down my stomach & began freakin out & asking my husband was it cancer???? I couldn't get that thought out of my head, he was telling me no but again i knew something was really wrong because everyone had tears & my stomach had been completly cut open..they were only suppose to go through my belly button.............still not really understanding it all until they released me to home on Friday my family finally told me how close to death I was. I have a long road of recovery, having an extremely hard time dealing with this scar!!! I had 3 babies never had any scars or stretch marks & now I have this horrible thing on me that makes me feel like damaged goods....never again can i wear a bathing suit or will i ever expose myself to anyone. But I do have to say I have the most amazing family....they never left my side from the minute I was admitted to the hospital...the inlaws that called & sent the most amazingly beautiful bouquet of flowers, my friends with all there well wishes & all the gifts & love I have recieved through all of this & continue to receive, my JROTC family that has cooked meals so my husband doesn't have to & gifts to brighten my days. So a huge thank you filled with lots of love to all of you that have been there for me & my family through this time....one week down & at least 12 more of recovery to go.........

February already....

The picture is of one of the beautiful flowers from Tim....my girlfriend told me my house is to have fresh flowers in it every week to help cheer me up, so she brought me some, my mom brought me some & then yesterday tim bought me these....I do love fresh flowers......

My friend Jen has been trying to keep my spirits lifted & visiting often..we even did lunch one day which was really nice!!!

I really realized I have the most awesome family & true friends....so here is my 5 positives....

1) Krystal just got a call tonight from the only one college she applied for & she has been accepted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She will be going to the New England Culinary Institute......we are so proud of her!!!!

2) Reconnecting with a near & dear friend (s)

3) house full of beautiful bouquets of flowers!!!!

4) Love listening to our adopted cockateil sing...makes me smile & think of Ellen!!!

5) It is staying lighter out longer now....spring is on it's way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIVE LAUGH & LOVE every single day....you never know when it's gonna be your last